À Tout À L’heure

We go through life getting treated less than we deserve. But why? There’s no reason to be unsatisfied.

I am not easily played anymore. Over the years of loving and heartbreak and loving and heartbreak, I have accumulated a thick skin and a bulletproof radar that helps me bypass through all the bull shit that guys throw at me. I have learned so much more from being in relationships that do not work than the ones that have. After all the trial and errors with all the wrong people, (or maybe they were the right people, just wrong timing) I know my worth and wasting any time on someone who cannot give me what I want seems redundant.

If you have been in high school chances are you have been played at least once; maybe you were even played and had no idea. Or it is even likely that you were the player instead of the played. Well, just like the majority of people I have been played as well. Some situations were worse than others and maybe they were unintentional but I still was a part of the grander game that I did not ask to be a part of. It is so hard not to hate the player sometimes, because sometimes all we want to do is take them off their pedestal and give them a taste of their own medicine. Maybe we have even thought of strangling them a little; making them suffocate because that is how they have made us feel. Hypothetically of course. But if I am being fair here… you cannot hate the player; you have to hate the game. The game is why you were even played in the first place.

“Don’t hate the player, hate the game.”

Players…most of the time they are completely unaware of who they are until someone brings attention to it. In most cases, they are the way they are because they were hurt themselves by someone. People do not just end up guarded and hard to get for no particular reason, but yet they always have some back story of why they are who they are. Just like everyone; we all experience things that make us who we are.

Anyways players!! These are your stereotypical cliché bad boy type. Side note: These can be girls as well but for the sake of this post I’m going to write in the perspective of a girl since I am one. They are the heartbreakers; the douchebags; the fuck bois. Think of John Tucker from John Tucker Must Die, yeah him, exactly him! They seemed to be perfectly hand picked out of the excellent gene pool; they did their hair just right and they dressed clean. They were popular; everyone loved them, girls fell at their feet, and guys worshipped them. They also knew how to pull every girl in, talk to the girls just right by making every girl feel special and unique. They knew all of this and used every ounce of it to their advantage. The deceiving thing about the players is that you would never know they were the bad boy type until you heard it through the grapevine and still even then you did not want to believe it yourself because initially they treated you so well and they were so perfect and sweet. You had no reason to believe they were toxic from the start so you gave them a chance because you thought that they deserved it. They did not treat you how you heard they treated other girls, no. He treated you so perfectly. You wanted to give him a true shot because you thought you might be different than “those other girls” that he was with before you. You even thought that you might change his childish ways.

Well you had your fair chance with him and I can only guess what happened. He crumbled your world did he not? You had no idea that he was so destructive from the start but he was and you learned the hard way. You were vulnerable to him and you were naïve to the fact that he had you fooled from the start.

It is okay though, we have all been there. Even I have been there, MULTIPLE TIMES. Most of the guys I have dated or talked to throughout junior high and high school were the guys that were known as the “players.” Not all of them were though; there were guys that had really great intentions. But sadly I will admit that the players had a mysterious aura that attracted me so much more than the nice guys. WHY you ask? I could not give you a straight answer, but I am pretty sure it is because I wanted to stretch my limits and go after something I knew I could not have. I liked the chase. I liked the challenge. I was willing to give 110% for it. I could not help but fall for these guys. Chasing them was such a rush of adrenaline like jumping head first into cold water and that is exactly what it was and the more they did not want me, the more that I wanted their attention. Did I actually believe I stood a chance? Did chasing the bad boys hurt me more? Did I think that I would actually change their childish ways? Yes! Yes! YES! All of the above!!

Now I look back and I think WHAT THE HELL GIRL? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? You literally chased for a guy that did not give you the time of day and treated you so poorly? Really?! Idiot.

Who honestly wants to be treated that way? No one. But we ALL do it. We all have gone to great lengths for someone that we wanted but that did not deserve our time or effort.

Now these “guys” probably thought that testing me would get them somewhere; that the less they tried, the more I would have worked for it. Well in middle school and high school I will be the first to admit that may have worked on me and I would have chased them for a while. Now? Not at all! Making me work for something that I know is not getting me anywhere and it is all just a game to someone will only seem pointless to me and I will move on. Guaranteed. Just knowing that I will put in effort and receive nothing in return is not worth my time and my time matters. I do not want to chase after a guy that thinks that getting me is just a game. I do not want to be an option. I want the real thing and if you cannot give me what I give you, à tout à l’heure.

Sometimes we have to accept that someone’s feelings are just not the same as ours, that they cannot reciprocate what we feel back to us. When we cannot accept this we often label this person as a player, even heartless. Well yeah, they may seem like a player because they are “leading us on”, but chances are they actually do care for us. They just might not care as much as we care for them. I mean they did start talking to us for a reason right? So is it not obvious that they had to be interested in us at one point? It just takes some distance and clarity to see it sometimes and sometimes we are so blinded by the pain that they cause, that we cannot see that they did care for us. So we just end up putting the blame on them.

When in all reality it is not their fault so we cannot just put the blame on them. In fact, it is not their fault at all because they cannot control how they feel. They liked us initially and then all of a sudden they just stopped liking us. They did not have a reason for not liking us anymore and they did not have to have a reason why. Just like many things in this universe that cannot be explained, emotions are one of these things. Your own emotions are hard to control as it is and then throwing someone else in the mix makes it even harder. It is almost impossible to control whether the feelings are there or not for someone. People cannot just choose to have feelings for someone one day, it is not that simple. Feelings are an intricate mess. They do not just happen because someone choses them, they happen because they just do and there is no explanation for it.

Now I could try and explain to you why people are played or why people play other people but honestly there isn’t a logical explanation for it. There just simply is no easy answer, it is truly complicated. It is just the way we are biologically programmed. We like what we like and we dislike what we dislike. That is the only way I could simply explain it to you.

But what I am going to try and explain though is this: why your time matters and why you should not waste your time on those who cannot give you what you deserve.

So just to set the scene a little with a personal experience…

I was interested in this guy and I was told he was a player, player, PLAYER! I think d-bag, conceited, asshole, and cocky were add to the mix as well but I am trying to be nice here because he was a really nice guy; just young and did not know what he wanted. Well from my initial experience with him, he was super sweet and super adorable. Everything about him shined so bright to me and he was everything I wanted in a guy. I literally adored him! I kept my distance though. I wanted to play hard to get. I did not say too much about how I felt about him but I did show my interest a little bit here and there. We talked for weeks on weeks and then as summer sprung in, we stopped talking. It was out of the blue too. I will admit the curiosity flickered in me as to why we stopped talking but I did not try and let the curiosity get the best of me. I let what happened be and I did not speak to him since.

Well after a long time I wondered what happened but I did not want to reach out to him. I wanted the upper hand and I did not want to seem pathetic. Well as the school year came around, he messaged me. *GASP!* He somewhat tried to pick up where we had left off with no explanation about why we had not talked in months. *INSERT EYE ROLLING EMOJI HERE!!!* Did he seriously think that he could just spark up what we “had” before without zero explanation? No! You idiot. So, I asked what was up with that. He gave me his excuse of what happened and guess what I did?! The genuine and forgiving person that I am, I gave him another chance. I am so notorious for giving people chance after chance. Literally I laugh at the fact that I gave him this second chance because it was a B.S. answer. It literally made no sense and I am an actual idiot for believing him. BUT I wanted to believe that when he told me his excuse, he was genuine about it. I figured everyone deserves a second chance.

But don’t fall for stupid shit! SERIOUSLY!! Be smarter than me and learn from my mistakes. Never trust that there is a reasonable answer for someone not giving you the attention or time of day that you deserve, because there isn’t one.

So after the second chance that I gave him, he was nice to me but still was not giving me the time of day or paying any attention to me. The first time should have been an indicator. The second time should have been the red flag. Come on! Get it together girl and put the pieces to the puzzle. His genuine niceness was blinding the indicators and red flags. I could not see that he was trying to play me. Then look what happened, he stopped talking to me AGAIN. Out of the blue. No explanation. That was it for me though, I did not give him the time of day after that time. It was done for me and I was not going to be petty about it. I was just going to let it go. So I did exactly that.

He was playing me. He was probably talking to other girls the entire time and that is why we only talked at his convenience. Everything was at his convenience. So moral of my story is that you should not waste your time on someone who does not give you the time of day or attention that you deserve. Don’t let their “niceness” or their smooth talk fool you.

Look at the bigger picture.

This was one of the least scandalous games that was played on me and that is why I used it as an example. I wanted it simple so you could see your severity. This is all about you. Look at the bigger picture and see if you are being played. If it is worse than my example…leave. Now.

This was minute compared to what I’ve heard my friends go through, or what I’ve even gone through with other guys. I’ve had friends literally watch their boyfriends cheat in front of their own two eyes and still take them back because the guy gives them “good enough” excuses. Or because they loved them too much.

You see? This happen all the time, especially in our “hook-up” generation. But we become so blind to the signs that show us we are getting played because we just want what is in front of us and what we cannot obtain. That’s what players are. They are unobtainable. We all make mistakes and we are all blinded at some point by the player. It just takes maturity to realize the game and when to get out.

But now that I am getting older I have started to see the bigger picture. I realized that I want someone who actually wants me back, not someone who just plays games with my head. Seems pretty obvious right?  Well it honestly never occurred to me how I should be treated until I looked at the bigger picture. I always made the mistake of wanting someone to love me so much that I completely missed the fact that they were treating me so poorly. I was so blinded. I was so focused on being mad at them for smaller details that I never took a second to look at the bigger picture. I never took that short breath to think “wow he really is treating me poorly and I should just end this.” I do not need someone who does not need me. Nope. But I just sat there and got mad at them over and over for messing up, cheating on me, and making me feel like crap and I never actually left when I should have.

Now that I know I deserve better, I would literally give the world to be alone and do things for myself then chase after someone who is not 100% bout me. I do not want to waste my valuable time anymore. I just want to know that if I put effort into someone that it is going to be reciprocated.

So when someone is playing the game, recognize these signs when it is happening to you and put an end to it! Do not let someone waste your time like that. If you have any doubts about someone’s feelings towards you, get out! You do not deserve to be player or messed with. You beautiful heart deserves warmth, not neglect. You should be with someone who does not make you question if they even like you or not. It should be obvious.

Your time matters just as much as theirs. Do not let them in at their convenience, it is your convenience too.



Author: Alysia

A hello from the admin and the main author of Miscellany Virtue. I am 22 years old and I am currently a nursing student in my last year of a BSN program. I love photography; eventually I want to share some of those pictures with you guys! I also love traveling! I started writing blogs in August of 2016 and my two main focuses are personal growth and relationships. I chose to start writing because I wanted to express myself. Maybe one day I will write a book about my life's experiences and the lessons that I have learned- so maybe keep an eye out for that. I am an amateur at all things; so please be gentle and nice! --Sincerely with lots of love, xoxo Alysia

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