He’s Just a Chapter, Keep Turning

One day he walked away and in that fraction of a moment your heart sank to your stomach. You felt vulnerable, lost, confused, and most importantly… broken. Your body was weak, your stomach was empty, your throat had a huge lump, and there was a deep, dark hole where your heart once rested. A huge part of your present and future was now apart of your past, and it wasn’t your choice. The magnitude of physical effects he had on you in that fraction of a moment when he decided to walk away from trying, will forever mark your heart. And it sucks! It sucks so much because all you can do is feel helpless because there was nothing you could have done to stop it. It only takes a split second in time to finally realize something, and from that second on it changes your mindset completely, and it has consequences and effects. When he realized he couldn’t give you what you needed anymore, you were left with the consequences and with the heartbreak. You were broken. He took so much from you that day.

I know, it hurts like freakin’ hell girl. You can hardly breathe and I know because like any normal 20 year old girl…I’ve been there. You had so much planned, you had so much more time that was supposed to be spent with him. But all in a matter of a few seconds, so much had to be taken in, so much had just been broken. He was gone and all you had left from him was a few pairs of boxers, a shirt or two, and maybe a hat of his… oh! And let’s not forget; he also left you with a huge spot in your chest where your heart was that had been broken, sunk, gone, temporarily into millions of pieces. All you could do to even fathom what had just happened was to cry. Just let it all out. Cry to songs on the radio, cry when it’s just you home alone, cry in the shower, cry in the car. Cry because the thing that you knew for so long just left. LET IT ALL OUT. Don’t be afraid of the puffy bloodshot eyes. JUST CRY DAMNIT.

So he probably made you promises in the beginning about how he would let you down easy or how he would never break your beautiful heart. He probably told you he wouldn’t be like those other guys. So since he did exactly what he promised not to do, you have every reason to question everything he has ever said or done to you because now you can no longer trust anything he has to show for. Not only did he make you question everything about your relationship but he made you think your relationship was just a joke, right? Right.

Well since this stupid boy just woke up one day and decided to no longer love you the way you deserve, you were forced to move on so suddenly. NOT FAIR AT ALL! You were completely blind sided by his lack of commitment and now you literally have no other choice but to move on. You cannot just sit there and love him when he couldn’t love you indefinitely. NO! Of course not, you’re not going to just sit there anymore waiting for him to come to his senses. You need to change things, now!

Your best way to get back at him for doing the most evil thing he could possibly do to you, is to get hot.;) Make him wish he’d never left you. You will probably want to do some retail, cosmetic therapy. You will probably dye your hair, get your nails done, or go buy new clothes. It seems silly but it is a  good self-esteem booster and it is a must. You need some therapy in this particular moment whether it be eating loads of ice cream, binge watching Grey’s Anatomy, or changing your appearance drastically. Hey! No one is judging you. He just crumbled every ounce of your being, so why the hell not.

You will probably tell everyone around you that you are doing just fine, in fact the best you’ve been in awhile. You even believe it yourself. Although you kind of feel like the world is crashing in around you and you’re dying a little inside all at the same time, you know that crying about it endlessly will get annoying and old to those around you. Sides, how many times can you tell everyone around you what happened and try to explain it to death looking for a new outcome? Not that many. You know everyone is here for you and wants to help you through this, but you believe that it is better to just not talk about it, to just wallow in it yourself. Sometimes only thinking about things and not sharing is better than everyone knowing how much it hurts. You’re acting tough; you’re a bad bitch made of steel that isn’t hurt easily. Or you’re a total sucker for pain and everyone knows when you’re hurting all too much.

After awhile, you’ve finally accepted that new things are going to come and that the relationship is actually over. Although it kills you to sit back and let this happen because all you really wants is for him to come around, you know you have to move on. You have to let what has happened, be. Gosh, I know. It still hurts so much, and especially now because you’ve realized that it really IS over. All this time you knew damn well that deep down you have been waiting for him to realize what he’s lost, and you’ve just been waiting for those words “I messed up. I don’t want this. I miss you.” But when he did not come around like you expected him to, it actually set in. This is the one real moment of the break up, your feelings are beginning to surface and you begin to miss him. You know too well though, that you should not contact him and let him know how weak you feel right now, because it will pass. You can’t let this beat you up anymore because it was HIS choice. I know how hard it is to want him to realize what he’s lost and for him not to say anything. But you can’t run back. You can’t run back to a boy that ran from you. At this point, you have to be strong enough to walk away.

Now that you have realized that running back to a coward isn’t what you deserve, you should start doing things that make you feel good again. You could start playing sports that you love, start going to the gym, get a new job, pick up more hours, or even pick up on some of the hobbies you forgot you loved. Start to get a grasp of your life again girl. Make yourself happy, for yourself, and not for anyone else.

When you start to find your true self again, you are rebuilding your confidence back slowly from what he tore down. You seem like a new person now, and chances are… you are a completely new person. You’re doing all the things you love to do again. You’re finally to a point that you’re comfortable with. You’re actually happy with this situation and you accept it for what it is. You are a strong woman and you’ve changed for the better. Since that split second that changed all those future plans you had planned with him, you’ve learned to love yourself when he couldn’t. He helped you grow. He was responsible for this. He’s to blame. And now you need to let HIM go and love yourself again.

Remember when I said you feel like your heart was temporarily in millions of pieces? Well, I promise you that some guy, some day is going to mend those pieces back together and show you a whole new kind of love. A real love. This other boy, you know… the one you probably should have already forgot about? 😉 Yeah, he’s just a chapter of your story. But that chapter has ended and the next one is waiting for you! It starts when you turn the page, SO TURN IT!!

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A hello from the admin and the main author of Miscellany Virtue. I am 20 years old and I live in a pretty small town. I currently am going to school for nursing and I have grand plans of traveling in my future. I work with disabled adults to improve their quality of life and help them become more independent. I absolutely love my job and I love the agency that I work for. I have just recently picked up on writing blogs in August of 2016 and I really enjoys helping people with their relationships and confidence. I plan on writing for the rest of my life as it brings me great serenity. I am new, so play nice! --Sincerely with lots of love, xoxo Alysia

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