Defy the Fear of Rejection

“Why does it seems like guys don’t like me, like why do they literally approach all of my friends and blow right on by me? Honestly why am I left in the corner feeling like an invisible being?”

As I was newly single, I wanted to go out more. I wanted to get back in the game and meet new guys; needless to say I became a little boy crazy! I finally got the chance to reunite some friendships that I left hanging there for awhile. Which I would like to apologize for, I should not have (untentionally) started hanging with you guys less and less, and I missed you guys so much! I didn’t mean to do that, and I wasn’t even aware it was happening while it was happening. But I’m glad I’ve got you guys in my life again, so thank you!!! FOR EVERYTHING!

Sidenote: GIRLS, DON’T EVER FORGET ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS. HANG WITH THOSE PEOPLE ON A REGULAR WEEKLY BASIS. You’ll completely regret missing out on all of the memories you could’ve been apart of. You’ll have to get back in your friendships and at first it will feel awkward because you feel like you have put them aside for the time being when you were in that relationship.

ANYWHO, I was able to hang with my girls again 24/7. It felt great!! We were out doing little things that seem silly to miss, but oh boy did I miss them! We were going to the bars, going to the gym, vaping? (idk is that even cool anymore?? haha), singing/screaming at the songs that come on the radio, staying out past the sunrise, eating Perkins at 3A.M., laughing at the silliest things that anyone outside my friend group would think was totally pointless… but to me, ALL of these things made my life full again. I finally started to see my confidence and happiness reach its all time high. I FELT GREAT!! Well, as I became more settled with the fact that I was single now and that it would be okay to go ahead and start seeing new people, I realized that I wasn’t even on the market. Lowkey, even got on Tinder *insert eye rolling emoji here*. I hadn’t even really thought about talking to guys like that since I got dumped, I was just doing my own thing, getting crazy with my girls!! I had conversations with guys, but I didn’t think of them anything more than a casual conversation. Well slowly and surely I began talking to new guys like that. I was stepping up my game and starting conversations that were flirty and fun; something more than just casual. There were new guys I hadn’t met, guys I hadn’t seen in awhile, guys, guys, guys! (I know what you’re thinking…slut!! No, just was flirting with whoever I wanted. If I was out doing things with them, then ya! But I wasn’t…just keeping it simple, ya know?). Well as I thought things were about to take off with some potential eye candies, none of these conversations would last longer than a few shorts days, IF they had even lasted that long. Some of those conversations would literally ended within three messages back and forth. How frustrating right? Right. At the exhaustion of wondering why I couldn’t keep a conversation I went back and reread some of the conversations. I wasn’t being weird, I wasn’t being distant, I wasn’t being over-the-top or anything. Actually the conversations were very intriguing and both I and the guys were into it. BUT WHYYYY!??!?! Why would they just stop talking to me, why were they “bored” of me, why were they not continuing to learn more about me? I had so many questions and I was becoming completely frustrated at the fact that they would just stop, mid conversation. WAS I being weird? WAS I being over-the-top? WAS it too much?

Answer: NONE OF THE ABOVE.

So a little background on myself real quick. I am very outgoing, and since I was single… even more so! I have become a super fun, funny, outgoing, outspoken person. Put me in a awkward situation and I will shine through with radiating colors. I didn’t care what anyone thought of me. I just wanted to be myself because I was finally finding myself again.

Back to my ramble… Well as I would meet these new guys and talk to them, nothing would take off. Well how frustrating was that? I was SO ready to get out there and grind again (HAHA! Not in the sexual dancing kind of way by the way). I would be sitting at the bar next to some of my girlfriends and I’d spark up a conversation with a guy, and literally later on the question these guys would ask me “So… who’s your friend?” Ouch like eff you, you were talking to me all night. Whatever. I wouldn’t give them attitude though, I would seriously just be super cheerful and cool about it. “OH!! That’s ‘so and so.'”

Well after awhile when these guys would ask me who’s in my snap stories, or who I was with that night, I straight up began to give up. I started acting like a “bro.” I would not even look at these guys like this anymore. I just thought of myself as a bro and that I was not attractive to their species anymore. I was literally the ultimate wingman. Woo freakin’ hoo. 😉 lol.

So as I sat back for a few months over the summer, I began to wonder again.

“Why does it seems like guys don’t like me, like why do they literally approach all of my friends and blow right on by me? Honestly why am I left in the corner feeling like an invisible being?”

Finally, I was liberated when I asked my close friend, who actually didn’t even know how to answer me. She ended up texting a guy for his point of view and here it was:

“The way you carry yourself. Not many women today radiate confidence. In society, self-esteem is really low when you look at the majority of people, especially in girls. That’s why guys will approach girls who they feel are less confident than themselves. Makes the approach easier I guess…”

So there it was, I was radiating a confidence that not many woman show today in society. I wasn’t cocky by any means. I just came off like I was comfortable in my own skin. This was so deceiving though because at the many failed attempts to try and talk to guys, I became less and less confident in myself.

But this is sad. Tell me why is it that someone has to seem less confident to be “approachable.” Because of the simple answer: fear of rejection. We are ALL so scared that someone might reject us that we end up, in turn, unintentionally bringing people’s self esteem down. In the grand scheme of things, that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is… is that we intentionally low-ball ourselves and go for something we know we can have, instead of taking a risk and maybe getting something we’re unsure of.

To me, I’d rather of tried for something I really wanted… then to never know what I could’ve had. So my take home from this, is specifically for you LADIES.

BECOME MORE CONFIDENT. RADIATE YOUR CONFIDENCE. Don’t let going “unnoticed” temporarily get you down permanently. Because I’ll let you in on a secret ladies, MEN will want the woman that radiates the room over the girl that is less confident in herself sitting in the corner. Don’t be afraid to start the conversation. Don’t be afraid to be the ice breaker. Don’t be afraid to show yourself to the world and radiate that confidence. A confident woman is sexy; a hell of a lot sexier than a woman with insecurities.

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A hello from the admin and the main author of Miscellany Virtue. I am 20 years old and I live in a pretty small town. I currently am going to school for nursing and I have grand plans of traveling in my future. I work with disabled adults to improve their quality of life and help them become more independent. I absolutely love my job and I love the agency that I work for. I have just recently picked up on writing blogs in August of 2016 and I really enjoys helping people with their relationships and confidence. I plan on writing for the rest of my life as it brings me great serenity. I am new, so play nice! --Sincerely with lots of love, xoxo Alysia

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