My Travels to Panama City, Panama

PANAMA CITY, PANAMA. Read about my adventures in Panama and where I visited.

PANAMA CITY, PANAMA

With my passport and a really amazing friend, I was given the opportunity to travel all the way to Central America and visit the amazing city of Panama City, Panama. And oh my gosh it was the most amazing experience of my lifetime and I am so thankful to the friend that brought me with as his plus one. My gratitude goes to you dude.

Upon arriving at the Hardrock Hotel Megatropolis we were handed complimentary welcoming drinks right away when checking in! That was amazing because a drink was long over due from flying for two days straight. We check in, get our room key, and head straight up to our room to change. As we get to our room, we realize that we are on the 48th floor and later, come to find out the higher your room is, the nicer the room. We had a pretty nice room, but then again there were 62 floors. Our room over looked a ton of sky scrapers in the city and honestly even though it was only skyscrapers, it was a really pretty view. Definitely did not mind waking up to an ocean view every morning, whatsoever.

We immediately change into our suits and head straight for the pool for some drinks. We ordered Coronas and they were $11 a piece. The drinks at the hotel were ridiculously overpriced. If you ever stay at the Hardrock, go out of the hotel buy drinks at a local gas station or liquor store and bring them back to the hotel. It less than half of what you’d pay at the hotel.

The hotel has so many places to eat in it, a ton of dance clubs, and bars throughout the entire vicinity. Finding drinks and cool places to relax was not an issue. It was definitely a fun time every night at the clubs and partying on the rooftop.

OHHH! I almost forget. At one of the clubs, girls drink for free all night. I believe the club was called Bling if I remember correctly. That was pretty awesome.

 

 I would love to travel here again some day and do more exotic things. When I go back I want to zip-line through the jungle, take a cruise ship through the entire Panama Canal, and eat at one of the places in Plaza Bolivar because it overlooks the ocean and has an amazing shore front view- especially at night when the entire city is all lit up.

Although I did not get to do everything that I wanted because I did not have enough time to do it all, I did get to visit a few amazing places while I was there.

The smartest decision I made when I was in Panama was purchasing a city tour. For a whole wopping $65 USD I was able to go on an entire city tour of Panama City. This was my  money well spent and it even included my entrance ticket to the Panama Canal. If you are not looking to spend a ton of money, this tour would be perfect for you. You could even just bypass the tour altogether and just go to some of the places that I am going to tell you about and save all the money. All the places that we stopped at on the city tour, besides the Panama Canal, were all FREE so that is a plus!

On the tour of the city they took us to the Historic District of Panama. The Historic District included a lot of historical locations that are significant to the modern Panama City that we see now. It included the home of Panama’s President, Plaza Bolivar, Ministry of Foreign Relations, Francia Plaza, Museo De Arte Religioso, and a bunch of other local art markets.

WHAT YOU SHOULD SEE IN THE HISTORIC DISTRICT OF PANAMA

THE PRESIDENT’S HOME/FORETRESS/MANSION/THING.

This place is gigantic! You could not miss if you were trying to. It is guarded by the president’s personal SPI’s which not only guard his beautiful home but also roam all of the Historic District to ensure his safety. All of the original architecture is still intact but it was newly renovated when he moved in. He had the entire block against the shoreline renovated and connected so that he could have one huge house where he could do his entire job from.

In the clip below, the huge white building/mansion that you see along the shoreline is home to the President.

PLAZA DE FRANCIA/DUNGEONS/TUNNELS.

 The Plaza de Francia is the original Panama City main square that has been renovated and is now dedicated to the French that contributed in building the original Canal. Below this dedication memorial is the old prison and dungeons that used to hold prisoners. There are actually tunnels underneath all of old city Panama and some lead to these dungeons.

FUN FACT FOR YOU: If you push back the plaque on the main pillar in the French Memorial in Plaze de Francia, it actually is a doorway to one of the tunnels leading to the dungeons underneath the city. It has been sealed off for many years now, so all you will be able to see when you look down into the tunnel is cement. BUT STILL, interesting to know because not a ton of people know that it is even there.

So do not forget to push on this plaque and see where one of the tunnel openings are like my tour guide!

LOCAL ARTISAN MARKET.

Lastly, I want you to visit the market along the shoreline off of Plaza de Francia where the local artists sell their work. All of the local artwork I was able to bring with me back to the states was made right in front of me! I was able to suggest and pick out the designs and colors of the things I purchased from the local artists.

YOU SHOULD SEE THE PANAMA CANAL. PERIOD. NO BUTS.

On my city tour they were only able to take us to one of the locks in the Panama Canal and that was fine because it was the final lock that you enter heading to Panama City. This lock is dual-chambered and lifts/descends a ship 16.5 meters, which is about 54 feet approximately. So like ten of me stacked on top of each other- in case you wanted to know. Did you know that the Panama Canal takes about 10-12 hours to get through it? Yeah me either. So since it takes too long for a ship to go through all of the locks and successfully pass through the Canal I did not get a clip of a ship actually going through the lock I was at, BUT I did get a clip of what the Miraflores lock looks like. Here it is:

 

The Panama Canal is something you have to see once if you are in Panama. Personally, since I have gone there once I would probably never just go look at it again. I would like to do something more along the lines of actually being on a cruise ship and physically going through it next time. I highly suggest you do that instead!

Last, but certainly not least…

GO TO SAN BLAS ISLANDS.

I do not care what you do in Panama City while you visit, but I do care that you visit the San Blas Islands and this is soulfully for your experience only. I am thinking of you here. I promise you it is worth the money because this was the best day of my trip.

Our San Blas adventure started out about 5:30 am and YES it was a very early morning for us, especially since we decided to stay out all night beforehand and only sleep for two hours. Thinking back, I would never do that again if I visited these islands again because the journey is exhausting but EXHILARATING and you need all the energy you can get.. I did end up sneaking a nap in on the car ride to Isthmus from our hotel. The car ride alone was about two hours.

I’m going to be upfront about this day-trip, when it first started we were so sketched out because we did not know what to expect. We were just trusting in this random guy that picked us up at the Hardrock Hotel as our guide to take us to where we expected and paid to go to. We did make it safely, but it was pretty scary trusting in someone who did not know a lick of English. Despite that minor detail, it wasn’t too bad. I will link the website that we used below for you as well if anyone is interested. It is legitimate I promise.

Click here for San Blas Day Tour

To get to the San Blas islands you had to get to the coast of Isthmus, but to even get to the coast of Isthmus you had to go through Parque Nacional Chagres which is a beautiful jungle in the mountain tops outside Panama City. The drive through the jungle was… WOW. Not gonna lie it was scary because our tour guide was a crazy driver. I will be honest I thought we were going to die at some point in the jungle because of how fast our tour guide was driving through the winding roads.

Going through the jungle/park we had to stop at a military check point to check our luggage, vehicle, and passports. At first it was nerve racking because we did not know what to expect when the military was checking our luggage and passports, but it was fine and we were on our way in no time. I guess the reason for the military patrolling the entrance to the park is to look out for drug trafficking since Columbia is so close. I also assume that is why we had to bring our passports, so DON’T FORGET YOUR PASSPORTS.

Finally out of the jungle, we arrive at the coast of Isthmus, which is where we head out to San Blas islands on a boat. The whole boat ride was sketchy because honestly the entire time we thought that they were just leading us to somewhere and going to sell us for sex trafficking. At this point, we did not know if we were even going to where they said they were taking us. We were very sketched out the entire time and the boat ride alone was miserable. It consisted of getting drenched head to toe and constant salt water in the eyes. My advice: bring goggles and pack everything you’re bringing in a waterproof or sealed off bag because everything gets drenched!

Finally, we make it to the islands and our treacherous journey to the islands simply melts away at the scene of crystal clear beaches and white sand. This was the most breathtaking view by far I have ever experienced. This moment alone was the reason why this day was the best day of our trip.

We spent the entire day out on a few of these islands completely surrounded by the ocean snorkeling, swimming, tanning, and just enjoying the white soft sand on the beach. While snorkeling we actually found a few HUGE conch shells in the bed of the ocean, which was really neat because I have never personally seen a conch shell in the ocean naturally! So we packed those up carefully so they wouldn’t break on our journey back home to the states. We also filled some water bottles with the white sand to bring home too.

My gosh, if you are EVER in Panama City, Panama… please take a day trip out to San Blas islands. It is one of the few places that you can actually get a white sand beach and crystal clear water. It takes about 30-45 minutes to get to the islands, but I PROMISE the second that you get to one of the few hundreds of islands, it will be worth your while.

Here’s some more moments captured  from the islands, enjoy!

Alright my little Miscells, I hope you enjoyed hearing and seeing my adventure to Panama City, Panama as much as I did. I hope that this inspires you to travel to these amazing places and starts a love for you like what it has started for me.

Until next time. XOXO,

Lys

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A Few Realizations

So lately a lot of my close friends have been coming to me asking for my advice on their relationships. Silly right? I am not even in a relationship so how the heck is it my place to give that kind of advice? Ha. I do not know. These guys seem to trust me, so I mean, I must be doing something right.

Well after thinking about this time and time again in the different conversations I was having with my friends, there was a lot of overlap even between the different kinds of relationships. The most overlap I found was so interesting to me I just thought I would share with you! So here are the things that I learned in the past couple weeks.

Signs are hidden in plain sight.

If you are in a relationship, chances are you are not going to see everything holistically. You will probably only see the bits and pieces you want to see. So it makes sense that you will miss the signs that are literally staring you dead in the face. You might be overthinking every detail or reanalyzing what you said or did, but that only will cloud your judgment on what is really going on. Overthinking things will make it so much easier to miss the signs. You might be too close to that relationship to think holistically about what the other person wants and needs and ultimately that is what a relationship should be about. What the individuals need right? They could literally be telling word for word what they mean and you might misinterpret it into something you want to hear. For example if someone blows you off time after time, take the hint. They are probably too busy or do not want to hang with you. Maybe they just are not ready to be with someone else and so they will tell you they do not know what they want. Most of the time when someone tells you they do not know what they want, they are basically telling you in a subtle way YOU are not what they want. If they wanted you, they would tell you that they wanted you. The signs are obvious, so just look for them in plain sight because they are there.

Reassurance has become the new idea of love and care.

This topic really gets me fired up because we have changed as a society who loves completely different than how the generations before us did. This whole idea that we need reassurance from our S/O to give us confidence, love, and comfort really bothers me. We have become so “reassurance driven” in our love lives that we honestly do not know how to truly love anymore. We are so wrapped up in the idea that our S/O has to tell us that we are looking good to feel beautiful or handsome about ourselves. They have to tell us that we are smart to feel intelligent. They have to literally tell us that we are strong, powerful, independent, etc. to even feel all those things. Like NO DAMNIT. We ARE all of those things. We already are who we are for a reason and no one can tell us differently. Just because someone tells us, we are something does not mean we are that. No one can define us. We define ourselves. We have used reassurance so much these days that we have mistaken this for care and comfort. Our S/O should not have to tell us those things for us to be sure about ourselves and to give us definition. But we do it, we look for that reassurance to make sure that they care about us, to make sure that they really truly love us. That is not where we should be looking for love. We should look for love in the way we act towards one another. Which leads me into my next topic.

Actions speak louder than words

I do not know how many times I have told my friends this and they do not understand it. They keep looking to the things that a person says rather than how they act. “But they said this… they said that.” NO. Actions speak louder than words. Actions speak LOUDER THAN WORDS. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. I cannot emphasize that enough. Someone can say something and genuinely mean it when they are saying it, but if their actions do not follow suit… then what does that really mean? Nothing. Their words are now meaningless to you. They can say all the things in the world but when someone does not physically act the same way as their words, what they have just said becomes demeaning. It also makes things confusing for the person whose being told all of these things because they are telling you one thing but then showing you another. It is so contradicting and baffling. But people’s actions are straight forward. If someone loves you they will physically show it along with saying it. They will not just say it. If someone neglects to act their words out, that should be a good indication that their words are just w.o.r.d.s.

People want more out of our hook-up society.

This new age love crap, is well… crap. I hate it. Where is the modesty? The respect? The passion? The chivalry? Where is the real romance? All of these “things” seem to have vanished. They are gone. It is so hard to even date anymore due to this new hook-up era. All anyone looks for nowadays is a one night stand or someone to be f***buddies with because they do not want the commitment. Tinder and Bubble have fed the shark with that too. You will see on many user’s Tinder pages “Just looking for casual hook up” “Not looking for anything serious” “Just want to have fun.” UGHH! It drives me insane. Seems that modern relationships stem from sex rather than pure attraction. There are hardly any honest-to-God real dates anymore. It seems that relationships mostly begin with sex these days. And if there are people out there looking for real relationships –I see  you. You are the golden ones.

I was talking to my grandfather about this the other day and he asked something along the lines of dating, like what we do for dates these days. I took one look at him and I was baffled at the fact I did not have an answer for him. All I rendered off to him was that “I cannot remember the last time that someone had even asked me on a date and even worse, I cannot even remember the last time that I was taken on a date.” It has been a “Come over and watch movies with me” or a “We can just Netflix and chill” kind of ordeal. It is never “I want to take you out to dinner and a movie” anymore.

Now that was sad. Maybe it was just me, maybe the guys steer directly away from me, I don’t know. But what I do know is this: our society has settled with this idea and is okay with only hooking up and not making anything of it. Even love in general is tough to find now. It has changed so dramatically to the point that even dating has become difficult. I also believe that the more that this changes, the more we realize it. We envy the days where our grandparents were asked out on dates and it was mind-blowing to even get a kiss on the first date. To be honest, I think our generation longs for that kind of romance, but we cannot fix it or even if we could it would take great effort. We have become this “hook-up then relationship” or “only hook-up” society and now it has become hard to dig us out of that hole. And now that we see what we are missing out on, we genuinely miss the real romance we hear about in old fashioned films.

SO let’s bring back old fashioned love:)

Now to my last point…

We engulf our lives into the person we love so much that we lose ourselves.

This happens in all kinds of relationships, even the healthiest of relationships. This topic is very interesting to me because of the fact that people do not understand that it takes two completely independent people to come together for a healthy relationship but still be able to be complete individuals. Now that kind of sounds confusing, so I like to think of a healthy relationship as a Venn Diagram. You have your two separate selves in which you have things that you do not share together which are the two circles. Those circles contain attributes about yourself that you should never lose. Then when you are together you have some overlap and those are the things that you do share together. That is how I think a relationship should be, but it is not always this way. Some of us lose sight of ourselves because we are revolving our world around our S/O and their circles mesh together to make one whole circle. In those cases, they deteriorate their own lives because they are so caught up in making the other person happy. And more often than not, they will not even realize they’ve meshed their circles together.

What really matters though, is that you take care of yourself first because if you are not happy or fulfilling your needs and desires, then how can you make someone else happy? Answer: You cannot. You must see your relationship as two individuals who do their own things to make themselves happy, but can also come together to make each other happy. It is all about balance.

If that does not make sense to you, think about it this way. Your S/O should be your best friend. You do not hang with your best friend all day, every day and you definitely do not revolve your entire life around taking care of them and making them happy, no. You spend your separate life making yourself happy so that when you two are together you have things to talk and laugh about. You can have your own life as well as the one with your best friend in a relationship; that is okay. The thing about this is that your best friend still knows everything about you, but still has room to learn more and more about you because you are both growing independently but also together.

Anyways, my takeaway from all this… and I hope you learned as much as I did these past few weeks: Learn the signs and do not mistake them. Do not look for reassurance as love because that can be mistaken so easily. Watch people’s actions rather than listening to their meaningless words. Stop hooking up and thinking that you are going to find true love from it. Last but not least, engulf more into your own life and fulfill your desires that way you have much more to offer to your significant other.

A Year Since You

There is a 365 day grace period after a breakup that needs to be filled with you. Your love. Your happiness. Your confidence.

You can learn a lot about a person in 730 days. Their favorite color, what they are passionate about, what makes their eyes light up with happiness, their highs and their lows. But, you learn even more about yourself in the 365 days after them. You learn what makes you happy, what you are passionate about, and what make your eyes light up with joy. My grandmother always said, “You cannot have the mountain tops without the valleys.” Sometimes you need to hit a low, usually starting with day one, before you get to your high.

A year since you and I have learned more about myself than I ever thought was possible. I am no longer the young and naïve Sophomore in high school you fell in love with. Now, I am so much more than that girl you used to know. Starting my freshman year in college, I have accomplished more in my life than imaginable and it is all thanks to you for leaving. For that, I thank you.

A year since you I learned that it is okay to cry…

Let it out. Be hurt. Be sad. Be angry. It is more than okay to have feelings. It is okay to have mascara stained sheets. You are not crazy or obsessive, nor are you lost without him. This is normal and it is to be expected. One day, you will not cry. You will not wake up thinking about him. Hell, one day you will not think about him at all. You might think you forgot how to laugh, give it time. Watch a funny movie with your girlfriends, drink a glass of wine, or a bottle. You will laugh. You will laugh so hard your eyes water and your stomach hurts and you will wonder why you ever thought you would never be happy again.

A year since you and I love myself again…

Not in the way I once did, but in a better, healthier way. I found that I do not have to be perfect to be extraordinary. The things he did not like about me, someone will love. I love that my laugh can be heard from miles away, I love that my socks never match, and I love that my hair is always a mess, even if those are the things he could not stand about me. Stay away from people who make you feel like you are hard to love. You are a lot of things, great things, being hard to love is not one of them. Once you love yourself, loving someone else does not seem so scary. Stand tall. Be proud of yourself and your accomplishments. You are a whirlwind of life and you should never feel less than that. Know your worth, know what you believe in, know your values.

A year since you and I know what real happiness is.

If you would have asked me a year and a half into our relationship what happiness was, I would not have been able to give you any less than a bullshit answer. I would have repeated something that a boy, who took away my happiness, told me about my happiness. Happiness is whatever I want it to be, whether it be a rainy day watching Ferris Beuller and drinking hot chocolate, Friday nights with my closest friend, or a Sunday morning at church. That is the thing about happiness, it is ever-changing. My happiness comes from a rainy day, an 80’s movie, and a good book, and if that seems horrible to you, that is okay! Not a single person gets to decide what should make you happy or not, only you get to decide that. Find what makes you happy, really happy. Do some soul searching, spend some time alone watching a cotton candy sunset or two. Figure out what your hobbies are. Spend some time reading or drawing or writing in a little coffee shop. Most importantly, do not let people be the source of your happiness. 

People come and go, do not also let your happiness come and go with them.

A year since you and I have stopped settling…

“Keep your head, heels, and standards high” reads the note my little sister wrote me that hangs on my desk. Wise words from a thirteen year old who is just starting to realize that lowering your standards ends in heartache and disaster. He is not the only person I will love nor is he the only person who will love me. Whatever you want should be obtainable. It is okay to want a fairy tale. After being in a relationship where I was constantly sacrificing, settling, and compromising I learned you do not have to do that. I want a man to open car doors for me, write me love letters, sing with me on late night drives, understands that my love for God will always come before him, and loves that my love for chocolate milk will not falter. If  I am not getting my needs fulfilled in a relationship, I can leave. That may be a simple idea, that you can just leave, but to me it is everything. I never had that option, and I will never lose that option again. The second you start to settle is the second you let his happiness be more important than your own. Yet he is not thinking the same thing. So put yourself first, it is more than okay.

A year since you and I am strong…

I no longer look for him around town when I know that he is home from college over Thanksgiving break. I no longer cry when our song comes on, in fact I can listen to the entirety of it without wanting to call him. I can park in the spot we were in the last time he told me he loved me in the downtown parking garage. I am none of the awful things he called me. I can stand with my head held high in a room full of people and be okay. Most importantly, I am my own person. I have a name, a story, a life. I am no longer “your girlfriend.” I am more than that. I am accomplishing everything he told me I could not.

A year since you and I have forgiven…

Not only have I forgiven him, but I forgave myself. I have learned in the past 365 days that it was not my fault. I cannot blame myself for his infidelity. There is nothing more I could have done for him to have stayed. I played over the events in that last year trying to find where it went wrong. What was the exact point I failed at being enough for him? The thing is, there was no point. Things do not work out, people make mistakes, in this case the mistake said more about him than it ever will about me. I will admit, this was the hardest lesson to learn. As much as I hated him, I hated myself even more. I was always criticizing and second guessing myself. Once I stopped blaming myself for the downward spiral that was our relationship, I found myself being able to forgive him. It was not easy. It took a lot of courage, prayers, and soul searching. But it happened, I could not tell you when, but one day I heard his name and I no longer felt love or hatred like I once did. Instead, I felt nothing. I let it go. I forgave.

It has been a year since you. 52 weeks since you last said you loved me. 365 days since I hit rock bottom. In this past year I have transformed into the confident, empowering young woman I am today. I learned how to live in a world you were no longer in and it is a beautiful one. I once thought I would love you forever but that is not the case.

The times that I loved you have now passed…

À Tout À L’heure

We go through life getting treated less than we deserve. But why? There’s no reason to be unsatisfied.

I am not easily played anymore. Over the years of loving and heartbreak and loving and heartbreak, I have accumulated a thick skin and a bulletproof radar that helps me bypass through all the bull shit that guys throw at me. I have learned so much more from being in relationships that do not work than the ones that have. After all the trial and errors with all the wrong people, (or maybe they were the right people, just wrong timing) I know my worth and wasting any time on someone who cannot give me what I want seems redundant.

If you have been in high school chances are you have been played at least once; maybe you were even played and had no idea. Or it is even likely that you were the player instead of the played. Well, just like the majority of people I have been played as well. Some situations were worse than others and maybe they were unintentional but I still was a part of the grander game that I did not ask to be a part of. It is so hard not to hate the player sometimes, because sometimes all we want to do is take them off their pedestal and give them a taste of their own medicine. Maybe we have even thought of strangling them a little; making them suffocate because that is how they have made us feel. Hypothetically of course. But if I am being fair here… you cannot hate the player; you have to hate the game. The game is why you were even played in the first place.

“Don’t hate the player, hate the game.”

Players…most of the time they are completely unaware of who they are until someone brings attention to it. In most cases, they are the way they are because they were hurt themselves by someone. People do not just end up guarded and hard to get for no particular reason, but yet they always have some back story of why they are who they are. Just like everyone; we all experience things that make us who we are.

Anyways players!! These are your stereotypical cliché bad boy type. Side note: These can be girls as well but for the sake of this post I’m going to write in the perspective of a girl since I am one. They are the heartbreakers; the douchebags; the fuck bois. Think of John Tucker from John Tucker Must Die, yeah him, exactly him! They seemed to be perfectly hand picked out of the excellent gene pool; they did their hair just right and they dressed clean. They were popular; everyone loved them, girls fell at their feet, and guys worshipped them. They also knew how to pull every girl in, talk to the girls just right by making every girl feel special and unique. They knew all of this and used every ounce of it to their advantage. The deceiving thing about the players is that you would never know they were the bad boy type until you heard it through the grapevine and still even then you did not want to believe it yourself because initially they treated you so well and they were so perfect and sweet. You had no reason to believe they were toxic from the start so you gave them a chance because you thought that they deserved it. They did not treat you how you heard they treated other girls, no. He treated you so perfectly. You wanted to give him a true shot because you thought you might be different than “those other girls” that he was with before you. You even thought that you might change his childish ways.

Well you had your fair chance with him and I can only guess what happened. He crumbled your world did he not? You had no idea that he was so destructive from the start but he was and you learned the hard way. You were vulnerable to him and you were naïve to the fact that he had you fooled from the start.

It is okay though, we have all been there. Even I have been there, MULTIPLE TIMES. Most of the guys I have dated or talked to throughout junior high and high school were the guys that were known as the “players.” Not all of them were though; there were guys that had really great intentions. But sadly I will admit that the players had a mysterious aura that attracted me so much more than the nice guys. WHY you ask? I could not give you a straight answer, but I am pretty sure it is because I wanted to stretch my limits and go after something I knew I could not have. I liked the chase. I liked the challenge. I was willing to give 110% for it. I could not help but fall for these guys. Chasing them was such a rush of adrenaline like jumping head first into cold water and that is exactly what it was and the more they did not want me, the more that I wanted their attention. Did I actually believe I stood a chance? Did chasing the bad boys hurt me more? Did I think that I would actually change their childish ways? Yes! Yes! YES! All of the above!!

Now I look back and I think WHAT THE HELL GIRL? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? You literally chased for a guy that did not give you the time of day and treated you so poorly? Really?! Idiot.

Who honestly wants to be treated that way? No one. But we ALL do it. We all have gone to great lengths for someone that we wanted but that did not deserve our time or effort.

Now these “guys” probably thought that testing me would get them somewhere; that the less they tried, the more I would have worked for it. Well in middle school and high school I will be the first to admit that may have worked on me and I would have chased them for a while. Now? Not at all! Making me work for something that I know is not getting me anywhere and it is all just a game to someone will only seem pointless to me and I will move on. Guaranteed. Just knowing that I will put in effort and receive nothing in return is not worth my time and my time matters. I do not want to chase after a guy that thinks that getting me is just a game. I do not want to be an option. I want the real thing and if you cannot give me what I give you, à tout à l’heure.

Sometimes we have to accept that someone’s feelings are just not the same as ours, that they cannot reciprocate what we feel back to us. When we cannot accept this we often label this person as a player, even heartless. Well yeah, they may seem like a player because they are “leading us on”, but chances are they actually do care for us. They just might not care as much as we care for them. I mean they did start talking to us for a reason right? So is it not obvious that they had to be interested in us at one point? It just takes some distance and clarity to see it sometimes and sometimes we are so blinded by the pain that they cause, that we cannot see that they did care for us. So we just end up putting the blame on them.

When in all reality it is not their fault so we cannot just put the blame on them. In fact, it is not their fault at all because they cannot control how they feel. They liked us initially and then all of a sudden they just stopped liking us. They did not have a reason for not liking us anymore and they did not have to have a reason why. Just like many things in this universe that cannot be explained, emotions are one of these things. Your own emotions are hard to control as it is and then throwing someone else in the mix makes it even harder. It is almost impossible to control whether the feelings are there or not for someone. People cannot just choose to have feelings for someone one day, it is not that simple. Feelings are an intricate mess. They do not just happen because someone choses them, they happen because they just do and there is no explanation for it.

Now I could try and explain to you why people are played or why people play other people but honestly there isn’t a logical explanation for it. There just simply is no easy answer, it is truly complicated. It is just the way we are biologically programmed. We like what we like and we dislike what we dislike. That is the only way I could simply explain it to you.

But what I am going to try and explain though is this: why your time matters and why you should not waste your time on those who cannot give you what you deserve.

So just to set the scene a little with a personal experience…

I was interested in this guy and I was told he was a player, player, PLAYER! I think d-bag, conceited, asshole, and cocky were add to the mix as well but I am trying to be nice here because he was a really nice guy; just young and did not know what he wanted. Well from my initial experience with him, he was super sweet and super adorable. Everything about him shined so bright to me and he was everything I wanted in a guy. I literally adored him! I kept my distance though. I wanted to play hard to get. I did not say too much about how I felt about him but I did show my interest a little bit here and there. We talked for weeks on weeks and then as summer sprung in, we stopped talking. It was out of the blue too. I will admit the curiosity flickered in me as to why we stopped talking but I did not try and let the curiosity get the best of me. I let what happened be and I did not speak to him since.

Well after a long time I wondered what happened but I did not want to reach out to him. I wanted the upper hand and I did not want to seem pathetic. Well as the school year came around, he messaged me. *GASP!* He somewhat tried to pick up where we had left off with no explanation about why we had not talked in months. *INSERT EYE ROLLING EMOJI HERE!!!* Did he seriously think that he could just spark up what we “had” before without zero explanation? No! You idiot. So, I asked what was up with that. He gave me his excuse of what happened and guess what I did?! The genuine and forgiving person that I am, I gave him another chance. I am so notorious for giving people chance after chance. Literally I laugh at the fact that I gave him this second chance because it was a B.S. answer. It literally made no sense and I am an actual idiot for believing him. BUT I wanted to believe that when he told me his excuse, he was genuine about it. I figured everyone deserves a second chance.

But don’t fall for stupid shit! SERIOUSLY!! Be smarter than me and learn from my mistakes. Never trust that there is a reasonable answer for someone not giving you the attention or time of day that you deserve, because there isn’t one.

So after the second chance that I gave him, he was nice to me but still was not giving me the time of day or paying any attention to me. The first time should have been an indicator. The second time should have been the red flag. Come on! Get it together girl and put the pieces to the puzzle. His genuine niceness was blinding the indicators and red flags. I could not see that he was trying to play me. Then look what happened, he stopped talking to me AGAIN. Out of the blue. No explanation. That was it for me though, I did not give him the time of day after that time. It was done for me and I was not going to be petty about it. I was just going to let it go. So I did exactly that.

He was playing me. He was probably talking to other girls the entire time and that is why we only talked at his convenience. Everything was at his convenience. So moral of my story is that you should not waste your time on someone who does not give you the time of day or attention that you deserve. Don’t let their “niceness” or their smooth talk fool you.

Look at the bigger picture.

This was one of the least scandalous games that was played on me and that is why I used it as an example. I wanted it simple so you could see your severity. This is all about you. Look at the bigger picture and see if you are being played. If it is worse than my example…leave. Now.

This was minute compared to what I’ve heard my friends go through, or what I’ve even gone through with other guys. I’ve had friends literally watch their boyfriends cheat in front of their own two eyes and still take them back because the guy gives them “good enough” excuses. Or because they loved them too much.

You see? This happen all the time, especially in our “hook-up” generation. But we become so blind to the signs that show us we are getting played because we just want what is in front of us and what we cannot obtain. That’s what players are. They are unobtainable. We all make mistakes and we are all blinded at some point by the player. It just takes maturity to realize the game and when to get out.

But now that I am getting older I have started to see the bigger picture. I realized that I want someone who actually wants me back, not someone who just plays games with my head. Seems pretty obvious right?  Well it honestly never occurred to me how I should be treated until I looked at the bigger picture. I always made the mistake of wanting someone to love me so much that I completely missed the fact that they were treating me so poorly. I was so blinded. I was so focused on being mad at them for smaller details that I never took a second to look at the bigger picture. I never took that short breath to think “wow he really is treating me poorly and I should just end this.” I do not need someone who does not need me. Nope. But I just sat there and got mad at them over and over for messing up, cheating on me, and making me feel like crap and I never actually left when I should have.

Now that I know I deserve better, I would literally give the world to be alone and do things for myself then chase after someone who is not 100% bout me. I do not want to waste my valuable time anymore. I just want to know that if I put effort into someone that it is going to be reciprocated.

So when someone is playing the game, recognize these signs when it is happening to you and put an end to it! Do not let someone waste your time like that. If you have any doubts about someone’s feelings towards you, get out! You do not deserve to be player or messed with. You beautiful heart deserves warmth, not neglect. You should be with someone who does not make you question if they even like you or not. It should be obvious.

Your time matters just as much as theirs. Do not let them in at their convenience, it is your convenience too.

 

He’s Just a Chapter, Keep Turning

Some times we get stuck in a chapter of our life because we think it’s the end of the book.

One day he walked away and in that fraction of a moment your heart sank to your stomach. You felt vulnerable, lost, confused, and most importantly… broken. Your body was weak, your stomach was empty, your throat had a huge lump, and there was a deep, dark hole where your heart once rested. A huge part of your present and future was now apart of your past, and it wasn’t your choice. The magnitude of physical effects he had on you in that fraction of a moment when he decided to walk away from trying, will forever mark your heart. And it sucks! It sucks so much because all you can do is feel helpless because there was nothing you could have done to stop it. It only takes a split second in time to finally realize something, and from that second on it changes your mindset completely, and it has consequences and effects. When he realized he couldn’t give you what you needed anymore, you were left with the consequences and with the heartbreak. You were broken. He took so much from you that day.

I know, it hurts like freakin’ hell girl. You can hardly breathe and I know because like any normal 20 year old girl…I’ve been there. You had so much planned, you had so much more time that was supposed to be spent with him. But all in a matter of a few seconds, so much had to be taken in, so much had just been broken. He was gone and all you had left from him was a few pairs of boxers, a shirt or two, and maybe a hat of his… oh! And let’s not forget; he also left you with a huge spot in your chest where your heart was that had been broken, sunk, gone, temporarily into millions of pieces. All you could do to even fathom what had just happened was to cry. Just let it all out. Cry to songs on the radio, cry when it’s just you home alone, cry in the shower, cry in the car. Cry because the thing that you knew for so long just left. LET IT ALL OUT. Don’t be afraid of the puffy bloodshot eyes. JUST CRY DAMNIT.

So he probably made you promises in the beginning about how he would let you down easy or how he would never break your beautiful heart. He probably told you he wouldn’t be like those other guys. So since he did exactly what he promised not to do, you have every reason to question everything he has ever said or done to you because now you can no longer trust anything he has to show for. Not only did he make you question everything about your relationship but he made you think your relationship was just a joke, right? Right.

Well since this stupid boy just woke up one day and decided to no longer love you the way you deserve, you were forced to move on so suddenly. NOT FAIR AT ALL! You were completely blind sided by his lack of commitment and now you literally have no other choice but to move on. You cannot just sit there and love him when he couldn’t love you indefinitely. NO! Of course not, you’re not going to just sit there anymore waiting for him to come to his senses. You need to change things, now!

Your best way to get back at him for doing the most evil thing he could possibly do to you, is to get hot.;) Make him wish he’d never left you. You will probably want to do some retail, cosmetic therapy. You will probably dye your hair, get your nails done, or go buy new clothes. It seems silly but it is a  good self-esteem booster and it is a must. You need some therapy in this particular moment whether it be eating loads of ice cream, binge watching Grey’s Anatomy, or changing your appearance drastically. Hey! No one is judging you. He just crumbled every ounce of your being, so why the hell not.

You will probably tell everyone around you that you are doing just fine, in fact the best you’ve been in awhile. You even believe it yourself. Although you kind of feel like the world is crashing in around you and you’re dying a little inside all at the same time, you know that crying about it endlessly will get annoying and old to those around you. Sides, how many times can you tell everyone around you what happened and try to explain it to death looking for a new outcome? Not that many. You know everyone is here for you and wants to help you through this, but you believe that it is better to just not talk about it, to just wallow in it yourself. Sometimes only thinking about things and not sharing is better than everyone knowing how much it hurts. You’re acting tough; you’re a bad bitch made of steel that isn’t hurt easily. Or you’re a total sucker for pain and everyone knows when you’re hurting all too much.

After awhile, you’ve finally accepted that new things are going to come and that the relationship is actually over. Although it kills you to sit back and let this happen because all you really wants is for him to come around, you know you have to move on. You have to let what has happened, be. Gosh, I know. It still hurts so much, and especially now because you’ve realized that it really IS over. All this time you knew damn well that deep down you have been waiting for him to realize what he’s lost, and you’ve just been waiting for those words “I messed up. I don’t want this. I miss you.” But when he did not come around like you expected him to, it actually set in. This is the one real moment of the break up, your feelings are beginning to surface and you begin to miss him. You know too well though, that you should not contact him and let him know how weak you feel right now, because it will pass. You can’t let this beat you up anymore because it was HIS choice. I know how hard it is to want him to realize what he’s lost and for him not to say anything. But you can’t run back. You can’t run back to a boy that ran from you. At this point, you have to be strong enough to walk away.

Now that you have realized that running back to a coward isn’t what you deserve, you should start doing things that make you feel good again. You could start playing sports that you love, start going to the gym, get a new job, pick up more hours, or even pick up on some of the hobbies you forgot you loved. Start to get a grasp of your life again girl. Make yourself happy, for yourself, and not for anyone else.

When you start to find your true self again, you are rebuilding your confidence back slowly from what he tore down. You seem like a new person now, and chances are… you are a completely new person. You’re doing all the things you love to do again. You’re finally to a point that you’re comfortable with. You’re actually happy with this situation and you accept it for what it is. You are a strong woman and you’ve changed for the better. Since that split second that changed all those future plans you had planned with him, you’ve learned to love yourself when he couldn’t. He helped you grow. He was responsible for this. He’s to blame. And now you need to let HIM go and love yourself again.

Remember when I said you feel like your heart was temporarily in millions of pieces? Well, I promise you that some guy, some day is going to mend those pieces back together and show you a whole new kind of love. A real love. This other boy, you know… the one you probably should have already forgot about? 😉 Yeah, he’s just a chapter of your story. But that chapter has ended and the next one is waiting for you! It starts when you turn the page, SO TURN IT!!

Defy the Fear of Rejection

In today’s society the fear of being rejected holds us back from our desires. Defy that.

“Why does it seems like guys don’t like me, like why do they literally approach all of my friends and blow right on by me? Honestly why am I left in the corner feeling like an invisible being?”

As I was newly single, I wanted to go out more. I wanted to get back in the game and meet new guys; needless to say I became a little boy crazy! I finally got the chance to reunite some friendships that I left hanging there for awhile. Which I would like to apologize for, I should not have (untentionally) started hanging with you guys less and less, and I missed you guys so much! I didn’t mean to do that, and I wasn’t even aware it was happening while it was happening. But I’m glad I’ve got you guys in my life again, so thank you!!! FOR EVERYTHING!

Sidenote: GIRLS, DON’T EVER FORGET ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS. HANG WITH THOSE PEOPLE ON A REGULAR WEEKLY BASIS. You’ll completely regret missing out on all of the memories you could’ve been apart of. You’ll have to get back in your friendships and at first it will feel awkward because you feel like you have put them aside for the time being when you were in that relationship.

ANYWHO, I was able to hang with my girls again 24/7. It felt great!! We were out doing little things that seem silly to miss, but oh boy did I miss them! We were going to the bars, going to the gym, vaping? (idk is that even cool anymore?? haha), singing/screaming at the songs that come on the radio, staying out past the sunrise, eating Perkins at 3A.M., laughing at the silliest things that anyone outside my friend group would think was totally pointless… but to me, ALL of these things made my life full again. I finally started to see my confidence and happiness reach its all time high. I FELT GREAT!! Well, as I became more settled with the fact that I was single now and that it would be okay to go ahead and start seeing new people, I realized that I wasn’t even on the market. Lowkey, even got on Tinder *insert eye rolling emoji here*. I hadn’t even really thought about talking to guys like that since I got dumped, I was just doing my own thing, getting crazy with my girls!! I had conversations with guys, but I didn’t think of them anything more than a casual conversation. Well slowly and surely I began talking to new guys like that. I was stepping up my game and starting conversations that were flirty and fun; something more than just casual. There were new guys I hadn’t met, guys I hadn’t seen in awhile, guys, guys, guys! (I know what you’re thinking…slut!! No, just was flirting with whoever I wanted. If I was out doing things with them, then ya! But I wasn’t…just keeping it simple, ya know?). Well as I thought things were about to take off with some potential eye candies, none of these conversations would last longer than a few shorts days, IF they had even lasted that long. Some of those conversations would literally ended within three messages back and forth. How frustrating right? Right. At the exhaustion of wondering why I couldn’t keep a conversation I went back and reread some of the conversations. I wasn’t being weird, I wasn’t being distant, I wasn’t being over-the-top or anything. Actually the conversations were very intriguing and both I and the guys were into it. BUT WHYYYY!??!?! Why would they just stop talking to me, why were they “bored” of me, why were they not continuing to learn more about me? I had so many questions and I was becoming completely frustrated at the fact that they would just stop, mid conversation. WAS I being weird? WAS I being over-the-top? WAS it too much?

Answer: NONE OF THE ABOVE.

So a little background on myself real quick. I am very outgoing, and since I was single… even more so! I have become a super fun, funny, outgoing, outspoken person. Put me in a awkward situation and I will shine through with radiating colors. I didn’t care what anyone thought of me. I just wanted to be myself because I was finally finding myself again.

Back to my ramble… Well as I would meet these new guys and talk to them, nothing would take off. Well how frustrating was that? I was SO ready to get out there and grind again (HAHA! Not in the sexual dancing kind of way by the way). I would be sitting at the bar next to some of my girlfriends and I’d spark up a conversation with a guy, and literally later on the question these guys would ask me “So… who’s your friend?” Ouch like eff you, you were talking to me all night. Whatever. I wouldn’t give them attitude though, I would seriously just be super cheerful and cool about it. “OH!! That’s ‘so and so.'”

Well after awhile when these guys would ask me who’s in my snap stories, or who I was with that night, I straight up began to give up. I started acting like a “bro.” I would not even look at these guys like this anymore. I just thought of myself as a bro and that I was not attractive to their species anymore. I was literally the ultimate wingman. Woo freakin’ hoo. 😉 lol.

So as I sat back for a few months over the summer, I began to wonder again.

“Why does it seems like guys don’t like me, like why do they literally approach all of my friends and blow right on by me? Honestly why am I left in the corner feeling like an invisible being?”

Finally, I was liberated when I asked my close friend, who actually didn’t even know how to answer me. She ended up texting a guy for his point of view and here it was:

“The way you carry yourself. Not many women today radiate confidence. In society, self-esteem is really low when you look at the majority of people, especially in girls. That’s why guys will approach girls who they feel are less confident than themselves. Makes the approach easier I guess…”

So there it was, I was radiating a confidence that not many woman show today in society. I wasn’t cocky by any means. I just came off like I was comfortable in my own skin. This was so deceiving though because at the many failed attempts to try and talk to guys, I became less and less confident in myself.

But this is sad. Tell me why is it that someone has to seem less confident to be “approachable.” Because of the simple answer: fear of rejection. We are ALL so scared that someone might reject us that we end up, in turn, unintentionally bringing people’s self esteem down. In the grand scheme of things, that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is… is that we intentionally low-ball ourselves and go for something we know we can have, instead of taking a risk and maybe getting something we’re unsure of.

To me, I’d rather of tried for something I really wanted… then to never know what I could’ve had. So my take home from this, is specifically for you LADIES.

BECOME MORE CONFIDENT. RADIATE YOUR CONFIDENCE. Don’t let going “unnoticed” temporarily get you down permanently. Because I’ll let you in on a secret ladies, MEN will want the woman that radiates the room over the girl that is less confident in herself sitting in the corner. Don’t be afraid to start the conversation. Don’t be afraid to be the ice breaker. Don’t be afraid to show yourself to the world and radiate that confidence. A confident woman is sexy; a hell of a lot sexier than a woman with insecurities.